Momma’s 12 Days of Christmas- I’m IN!

For those of you living under a rock, there is this incredible woman. Her name is Momma. I wish I could tell you that woman is me. It’s totally not (at least not in this case). Maybe more of you know her as Momma Be Thy Name. Anyways, she is doing her annual series entitled Momma’s 12 Days of Christmas. For the series, she features 12 guest bloggers throughout the month of December who will make you laugh, cry, and maybe a few things in between (like drink egg nog, eat a disgusting number of cookies, and laugh some more/possibly snort.)
Before I forget, there is one small detail I failed to mention. I am one of the bloggers featured on Momma’s 12 Days! I nabbed the 13th spot! (Which does not at all mean I paid Momma or begged for a spot in any way!….but I totally would have.) On December 23rd I will be featured with an original piece I wrote for the holidays!
What I am asking you to do, is check out Momma’s blog to see all the great posts this month (one new post per day). Aside from the benefits of a good laugh/cry/snort/snack in between, if you comment on my or any other ’12 Days’ post, you will be entered to win an Elf Pack which includes prizes ranging from (but not limited to) an mpix gift card, chocolates, and mini speakers to name a few. Plus there is an even bigger grand prize for one lucky reader out there!
Please do yourself (and me) a favor and check it out! I know I will be there for the 12 13 days of fun. I hope you are there with me!

Hi, my name is Mama.

 

This past weekend brought something very special. Two very dear friends of mine surprised me with a weekend away in the Hamptons. They went through the trouble of booking a cottage, flying in to the city, renting a car, and communicating with my hubby to line up additional child care (thank you in-laws!) to make it all possible. When they surprised me with plans for our adventures over the phone a few months in advance, I had so many visions of what our weekend would be- bar hopping, shopping, staying up all night, stalking a celebrity or two. Although one-and-a-half out of four occurred (I will leave it up to your imagination to guess which ones), something profound followed. I realized I had started to lose my identity.

 

This may sound strange. Well, let me start by saying that I love my children and husband more than words can express. To say I feel whole, or as Dr. Evil would say, “complete,” because of them would still fall short. When I had my son, I remember looking at my husband a few days post-partum and saying “this is what I was meant to do in life; I was meant to be a mother.” I still feel that way. Nothing has changed. However having a second and being the primary caregiver of both with very little help has changed not just my situation but my self-concept. I had compartmentalized myself to being “a mom”. Nothing else.

 

This may not seem like a problem at first- having my identity be ‘mom’. It’s a beautiful thing and something I am proud of. The problem lies in the one-dimensional facet of categorizing myself as ONLY a mom. I may be wrong, but I feel this is something that is more likely to occur with stay-at-home-parents (SAHPs).

 

I envision the transformation beginning slowly. First a woman has a child and falls head-over-heels in love. Then as time goes on naturally, baby remains the focal point as major milestones are met (ie: first word, first steps, each holiday, etc.). As time progresses and either parent returns to work, the SAHP continues parenting and maintaining the household. The role of being a mother is cemented. When working parents return to their jobs, they return to how they are known and respected.

 

Just to clarify, I don’t believe working parents focus any less on their children or aren’t considered mothers or fathers respectively. That would be ridiculous. In reference to identity issues, I believe SAHPs are at a disadvantage automatically as they spend less time in environments they are viewed as anything different from being a parent. Let’s explore the nature of society here. What is one of the first questions often posed when meeting others? “What do you do?” The only answer for a SAHP is exactly that. Working parents often say (for example) “I’m a doctor.” Professions are how people remember one another and how they envision someone must be. For example doctor= smart. If you are a working parent, your personal life can be very separate from your professional life, however if you are a SAHP your personal life is your ‘profession’ and your life.

 

Not necessarily a bad or a good thing, although I would say in my previous profession as a mental health counselor, too much of anything can be a bad thing. SAHPs would benefit from having other outlets, forming other identities. In just a three-day weekend, I felt so free just from being able to talk about whatever I chose free of censorship and pig latin. I was reminded of my hobbies I love so much: photography and writing. I was given the opportunity to resurrect them.  In short, I remembered who I am and what I do outside of parenting. The importance of that is immeasurable. It reminded me of who I was before I had children, but also who I continue to be now. How can I expect my children to have a healthy self-concept when their mother doesn’t even have a concept at all? It’s time to change that. With a little help from two lovely ladies, a wonderful hubby, and some awesome in-laws, I have come up with this:

 

I am a woman. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a wife. I am a friend. I am a Christian. I am an amateur photographer. I am a writer. I am funny. I am beautiful. I am happy. I am loved. I am enthusiastic. I am a good driver. I am NOT bragging. I am just reflecting. This is who I am- but finally and most importantly (not singlehandedly): I am mama.