Dear Maria Kang, aka: ‘Fit Mom’ (not that you care)

I started out as a fan of yours supporting your controversial Facebook post and even feeling sorry you received (in my opinion) a lot of unwarranted backlash. I posted a comment supporting you and your obvious hard work and dedication to living a healthy, fit life. I was one of the ones who thought good for you! Would I have posted something like that of myself? No. I don’t post pictures of my post-baby body even though I am proud of it. I wouldn’t do what you did, but I don’t judge you because I believe you DO have a lot to be proud of and your accomplishments are inspirational. They were motivational to me in fact, so I applaud you for that. I wasn’t crazy about what I thought was a non-apology to critics although I wanted to cut a mother some slack. They were are your critics after all and from them, came nothing but aggression and negativity.

Where I started to have a real problem was when you proactively spoke out against women featured on Curvy Girl’s site celebrating their bodies and the notion that every woman has the right to feel sexy by responding with the following: “I woke up this morning to news stories about how overweight nearly obese women should be proud of their bodies (as they posted in lingerie)….We need to change this strange mentality we are breeding in the U.S. and start celebrating people who are a result of hard work, dedication, and discipline.” Your recent interview on Access Hollywood did little to curb my irritation.You tend to have a polarizing way about you and your “I’m sorry, but I’m not” responses with quotes like “the truth hurts” and “nobody likes to be the villain, but..” come off as arrogant and smug. My favorite part was how you ended the interview by agreeing all women are beautiful. Really?! So you say all women are beautiful while thinking…just don’t tell anybody about it if you’re over a certain weight!

Here are a few thoughts to consider before being overly vocal in the future. First of all, the women who posted their pictures (to my knowledge) never claimed being proud of their bodies, but posted pictures to encourage other women to feel sexy in their own skin. For someone who claims to “avoid backlash” I found it interesting you felt compelled to speak out against Curvy Girl and these women in such a negative way. Was that meant to be motivational to these women? Anyone? In motivating people, isn’t the goal to create a sense of unity and encouragement? Did you feel you needed to speak out because everyone else has supported these women which earned them the position they’re in now?  Do you feel this group of women often feel sexy and proud of themselves? Did you feel it would be meaningful and life changing for them hearing your comments? A supposed supporter of ALL women and mothers to live their lives as healthy and fit as possible, did you feel your comment would create a positive movement in that direction? I read your blog regarding the aftermath of the interview and how you went on to meet the owner of Curvy Girl and connected on a personal level. I give her a lot of credit for meeting with you following the many smug remarks you made on air. I recognize this may have eased the tension between you both and that’s great if it did. The problem is, I’m still left confused over who you are as a person and what it is you’re really trying to accomplish.

Had you ever considered the photos on Curvy Girl as an opportunity for you to offer genuine encouragement to those women giving them props for doing something that took a lot of guts and may have helped others to improve their self-esteem? Consequently you could have helped usher them in to a better position to make the very life changes you feel our country as a whole needs to make. It would seem to me that would have been a great time for you to emphasize the importance of self worth and appreciation as the stepping stone for anyone to make positive life decisions leading to change.

Having said all that, I’m starting to wonder: where is your true focus Maria Kang? Is it to motivate and inspire people to live their most fit lives possible? Or have you decided you need to generate controversy to remain in the public eye? In my opinion, your recent appearances point towards the latter.

I am not asking all this because I am a woman and a mother who suffered her whole life battling weight. Yes, I have family members struggling with obesity, however I was never one of them. Am I jealous of your body and amazing six-pack abs? No. Am I struggling with my body image? No. I’ve been lucky. I’ve easily dropped down to my pre-pregnancy weight after 2 pregnancies- and then some,  never setting foot in the gym and eating whenever I wanted, as I often felt starved from breastfeeding. I’m lucky. I know that. I’m asking you all these questions because I come from a background of mental health counseling and I know how hard most women work to achieve any level of self acceptance, then to maintain it is even harder. I know how many women put on a face and try to put their best foot forward every day only to be knocked down again taking them back to scratch. The battle many women are fighting is more than just getting to the gym.

I agree with you. We are facing an obesity epidemic in the United States. I agree with you. We need to change our lifestyles to focus on healthier living. I am probably one of the healthier eaters out there and although I don’t make it to the gym because I work from home and raise my kids, I know I should and you really did motivate me when I saw your original Facebook post. My current reasons for not making it are the same ones you could use as your excuse but you don’t. You made me believe I could do it if you could.

Where I struggle is how you continue to move forward and present yourself in such a negative way. I struggle with the way you project your views and how insensitive you come across. I fear you will lose your motivational presence if you continue at the pace you’re going. You’re at risk of losing a large group of followers because you’ve gone off and offended them all in an attempt to vocalize your polarizing and not always well-spoken views.

I am sure you will never see this, nor would you ever care because I would probably fall under the category of a “critic” with most of what I’m saying. What I’m hoping is you can read between the lines and see that I really hope you can change, at least pretend to so you can continue to serve as a strong source of motivation and keep the movement towards a healthier country rolling forward. We need it here and we need it now. All I’m saying is it what you’re suggesting is a lot harder said than done for most- so you could stand to sweeten your tone a little making this dish you’re trying to serve a little easier (not any less healthy) for people to swallow….

Hopeful,

The Disheveled (and in serious need of a gym membership) Parent